Letting Go of the Things that no longer Serve You

We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress, and suffering. Instead of letting them go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress-free and happy, we cling on to the memories and events of our past. Well, you can change that, starting right now, today. You are going to learn how to identify those things that no longer serve you and give them up, which will begin the process for you to embrace the change.

Ready? Here you go. These are the tools for you to implement in your own life, right now, which will accelerate the process of letting go of your past.

1 . Give up your need to always be right. There’s so many of us who just can’t stand the idea of being wrong, wanting to always be right, even at the expense of ending relationships that are causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the urgent need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right? Or would I rather be kind?” This comes from Wayne Dyer. Now what difference will that make? Or is your ego really that big?

2. Give up you need for control. Be willing to give up your need to control everything that happens around you whether they are situations, events, people, and it doesn’t matter who they may be – workers, co-workers, strangers, your loved ones – just allow them to be. Allow everyone and everything to be just exactly as it is and just watch how much better you are going to feel. “By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. When you try and try, the world is beyond winning.” –Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. Give up your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up on your self-defeating talk. Now this is a big one. How many people are hurting themselves right now because of their negative, polluted, and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Here’s a rule of thumb. Don’t believe anything you mind tells you, especially if its negative, and self-defeating. You are way better than that. Eckart Tolle says, “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, and it becomes very destructive.”

5. Give up your limiting beliefs. About what you can or can’t do. About what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings, and you fly. “A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.” – Elly Roselle

6. Give up your complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many things in your life – people, situations, events that make you very unhappy, sad, and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy. No situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situations that trigger those feelings in you but how you choose to look at it. Never, ever underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, people, or events that are different from you. Were all different and we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and be understood and understand. We all want something, and something is wished by all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you are not just to make other people like you. It doesn’t work that way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you are not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change helps you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives around you. Follow your bliss. Embrace change. Don’t resist it. One of my favorite authors is Joseph Campbell and he writes, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”

10. Give up on labels. Stop labeling those things, people, or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, just a little, little by little. Miracles only work when the mind is open. Wayne Dyer says, “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.”

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist! You created it, I created it, it’s all in our minds. Correct the inside, and everything else is going to fall into place.

12. Give up your excuses. Take your excuses and send them packing and tell them they are fired. You don’t need them anymore. Lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving our lives we get stuck. We lie to ourselves. We use all kinds of excuses. Excuses which are 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past. Here’s a big one. I know, I know, it’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening. But you have to take in to consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are longing for – it’s gone. The past that you were dreaming about was ignored by you when you were in the present. So, let’s stop deluding ourselves. Be present in everything you do and enjoy your life. All of life is a journey, it’s not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the Now.

14. Give up attachment. This concept is a hard one to grasp, and I have to tell you it was for me too. It still is. But it’s not impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach from all things (this doesn’t mean you give up your love for them, because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear while love, real love, is pure, its kind, and selfless. Its peaceful, where there is love, there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist.) You become very peaceful, so kind, so tolerant, so serene. You will get to a place where eventually you will be able to understand all things without even trying. It’s a state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what other people think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their enemies, teachers, their government and the media thinks is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, their inner calling. They are so busy pleasing everybody else with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their own lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need, and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – you’ve got this one, right now – you must live it, you must own it, and especially, don’t allow other people’s opinions to distract you from your path.

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Creating a Bliss List can drastically improve your life!!!

Feeling down? Depressed? Stuck in a rut and don’t know how you can get out of it? Remembering how life used to be so good, and now it seems all the good times are in the past? Are you haunted by past memories, experiences, or traumas you want to forget, but you don’t have the tools to do it? Here’s a quick and easy tool which can help you to rally against the forces trying to pull you down, and bring you back to the joy you had, and can always have from now on in your life. I call it the Bliss List.

How to create your bliss list

  • Sit down with a blank piece of paper and write at the top of the page ‘My Bliss List’.  Make sure when you do this, there are no distractions, it’s quiet and peaceful, and allow yourself the time to really sink into the deepest part of yourself so that you can hear what makes your soul sing.  Meditating for 20 minutes before you do this is highly recommended.
  • Write down 100 things which brings you joy.  You want to discover within you what it is that connects you to your bliss.  Ideally, you want to list as many things as possible which are not dependent on anyone or any thing to give it to you.  It is a feeling that comes from within whenever you see something, hear something, do something, smell something, taste something, or feel something.  Activate all your senses and feelings.  Examples might be:
    • walking in nature
    • seeing an eagle soaring in the sky
    • watching the sunrise over a beautiful mountain lake
    • eating a juicy peach
    • smelling a rose
    • snowflakes on my skin
    • the sun on my face
    • the sound of the waves of the ocean
    • riding a horse
    • writing
  • Your bliss list can involve another person or persons, say for instance, you love long, slow, wet deep kisses, or you love spending time with friends, or going to a football game with your brother, or a baby’s laugh, having some of those are great!  Without question there are many joyful experiences you have with others, and they can be included, but I want you to emphasize finding the things which give you joy which you do only for the joy of it.  This list in not about them, it is about you.
  • Once you have composed your list, read it over, make sure you are satisfied with it (you will know this because it makes you feel good inside, it makes you feel happy to read it), then, make copies of it so you will have it in various places for you to refer to when needed.  A great place to put one is in your car.  Another great place is in your office.


The exercise in creating the bliss list is a way for you to connect with what truly gives you joy without being dependent on anyone else. The purpose behind it is to give you a tool to help you interrupt the pattern of disquieting and disturbing thoughts and memories which intrude upon your daily life.  When a negative, painful thought or memory comes in, you go to this list right away.  You want to scratch the record of the unconscious program operating your life with new thoughts to pick you back up again.  These thoughts from your bliss list will pull you out of the painful remembrance of the past, even if it’s just for a moment, and by doing this consciously and consistently, with time, you will begin to break the pattern of painful memories controlling your life and destroying your peace of mind.


Whenever I was being tortured by the thoughts, memories, images, and painful experiences of my past, I would go to this list right away and say to myself, ‘This too shall pass, this too shall pass..’ over and over again while I thought of one thing which brought me joy: the smell of a flower, the sun rising over the mountains, an ice cream sundae, the flight of an eagle – whatever it was, I found the thought which brought me joy, which made me feel good about me, which made me smile, and I would immediately replace the disquieting thought.  Sometimes I would only feel better for a brief moment, and then I would get sucked back down into the pain I was experiencing, but I kept doing it, and as time went on, the episodes where my mind was attacking me from all sides began to lose its power and strength over me.  Eventually, these negative thoughts lost all their power because I could connect to what brought me my bliss immediately and that feeling negated and cancelled out the negative thought.  This one tool helped me tremendously!  By consciously doing this mental work with my bliss list everyday, combined with the other tools I had created for myself in my program, I had successfully re-programmed my unconscious mind.  I was no longer at the mercy of the pain and suffering I had experienced as a consequence of the PTSD and trauma I’d been through.  I knew what my joy was, and nothing could keep me from connecting to that joy.


By doing this consistently, you are breaking the pattern which has now become unconscious, which is the recycling of all this old thinking and feeling, and you are replacing it with something that is you, defined by you.  The more you do this, the more space you will create, and the more you will connect to who you really are.  It is a process, and as with any process, it grows with consistency, dedication, and commitment.  It’s like building muscles.  It may seem tedious, it may seem like its not working, but nevertheless, you still go to the gym to workout.  After a while, you begin to notice how your muscles have changed as a result of consistently working them out.  They are bigger, stronger, and leaner.  Well, this same idea applies to working out your thoughts.  You’ve got to go to the ‘mental gym’ on a daily basis and feed yourself with the thoughts and feelings that will give you the healthy results you are looking for.  Your bliss list is part of your mental workout, a tool you can use to exercise your mind and make it strong.


You’ve got to do this with smells too.  You’ve got to remind yourself, ‘OK, that smell reminds me of this, that gunshot smell reminds me of that place I was in in Iraq or Afghanistan, and what I’ve got to do is think of a smell that I enjoy, that pleases me.’  You’ve got to do it right then, something that makes you feel good, something that makes you feel happy, whether it’s the smell of a rose, or the smell of the mountains by the lake catching fish, or the smell of the exhaust of your 1940 Coupe – whatever it is, you want to bring that image, that memory, that feeling, that smell back so that you are interrupting the pattern.  And you want to do it consistently, over and over and over again.  It seems tedious in the beginning, and you may find resistance to it, but you are establishing a new pattern, you are introducing a new software program to replace the old one in the hardware computer which is your brain; you are systematically and consciously breaking the habit of getting caught up in those negative, debilitating, toxic thought forms which are causing you so much pain.


You are not your past.  This present moment does not have to be defined by your past.  You have the power within you to define what this present moment will be for you.  This moment is, and will always be, defined by you.  Seize the day!


“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”  -Walt Whitman



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What Makes Mine Better Than What’s Already Out There?

I’m going to give it to you all here, in this blog, everything that I do.  I want you to have this so much, and as time allows, I’m going to share it all with you, on this blog, all that I have done, everything that I do.  So you can do it for yourself too.  It will be faster with me, if you come in, but I’m going to give it to you regardless.  At the foundation of my program are the principles of non-violence and peace.  It uses Gandhi’s principles of non-violence, along with the principles of a Course in Miracles, a spiritual meditation practice rooted in love, forgiveness, and peace.  This is what makes mine different from all other approaches.  From this foundation does my program draw its inspiration.  Although it is rooted in spirituality, it does not demand you believe in God, what it does require is a genuine desire to transform your life.  Without that deep desire, no program will work, regardless which one it is.

The core of my program is modeled similar to Mind-Body therapy, and is a complete mind, body, and soul healing.  It takes the mind, body, soul connection, it builds belief systems, it improves what is already there, it teaches emotional regulation, and problem solving.  It begins by really connecting to who you were before PTSD.  Who were you?  What were your dreams? etc., a lot of time is spent reconnecting to your true self.  Then, we look at what your life would have been like if this didn’t happen.  What would you have done?  From there, we begin to remove the obstacles to becoming that.

Once we’ve realigned with who you really are, set that as our guide and destination, we then begin to approach the trauma or traumas keeping you held back from being that ideal version of yourself.  This space is completely loving, non-judgmental, and safe for you to go to where you can be completely felt, be completely yourself, completely human.  We completely deconstruct anything that has kept you from being who you truly are and which has kept you separated from another human being.  Whatever you might be ashamed of, angry about, guilty of, etc., anything that you have compartmentalized.  We learn to understand the good that came out of it, and the lessons you learned.  You learn how to make peace with the past so that it doesn’t control and destroy your present.  We break down the belief systems that have kept you imprisoned in your own mind.  You learn how to let go of attachments and all that does not serve you in the fulfillment of your life.  You learn how to replace negative thoughts and feelings with positive ones, and you incorporate meditation to create space in the mind and slow down the thoughts that invade your peace.  What meditation does is it also allows you to experience the present now.  By becoming consciously aware about right now, how you feel in the present moment, and using several meditation techniques to assist you, will help you to bring clarity and peace to the mind.  We also remember and re-discover the things that brought you joy and take the time to do them.  Yoga, movement meditation, massage therapy, and energy cleansing is also encouraged to augment and speed up the healing process.

There is no fear in my program.  No drugs or medications.  Medicine didn’t create this problem.  It didn’t come from a disorder in the body.  This disorder got created with the mind.  It’s not a chemical imbalance.  We don’t need medicine to heal it or cure it.  What heals this is a miracle.  Wait, before you say anything or think anything, let me put what I mean by miracle in context.  The miracle is recognizing who you really are. And then, growing bigger than any event that might have happened. Part of the skill set of remembering who you are is that you’ve got to accept everything in your life.  You’ve got to take responsibility for it all and be at the source of creation.

This program also uses the latest science in quantum physics theories and epigenetics, especially the works of Candace Pert, Bruce Lipton , and Valerie Hunt.  These works, along with others in the field of higher consciousness like Byron Katie, Wayne Dyer, Eckart Tolle, and David Hawkins, remind us of our connectedness to each other and who we actually are.  This program embodies the energy that we were never born, and we never died for energy is never destroyed.


The skill set building includes and is very similar to what an actor does for a role.  An actor must embody the role he or she is playing with every cell of his being.  We are going to establish who you truly are (the role you want to play), then we’re going to build skill sets to allow that to come through, and at the same time, remove, let go of, and eliminate all that isn’t you.

This is how you transform yourself out of the trauma(s) that have imprisoned you.  It takes dedication, commitment, and a willingness to see things differently.  Friends, we re-live the same problems over and over again until we transform them!  And, you can’t approach a problem that was created by fear thoughts with solutions based on fear thoughts.  Love and fear can not co-exist.  A new approach, a more advanced approach is called for, one based on love and the thoughts generated from the energy of love.  This is what my program is all about.

What you can do if you have it or your friend has it

The average backlog for veterans at the VA is 273 days!  If you have a friend with PTSD, don’t wait.  Call them, talk to them.  If you even suspect this, don’t wait.  Get them help.  Refer them this blog, or any website.  Let them know you care and are there for them.  Take action.

If you have it, don’t let this fester inside.  Take action, get some help now.

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Gift Certificate

Right now purchase one session and get the second session free. Just email me a copy of the receipt at charlespacello (at) gmail (dot) com and mention this promotion.

Buy at my book a session page. Thanks for your support and I look forward to your transformation into the you you were meant to be.


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What is PTSD

Again, I think it is important to refresh our memories on what PTSD is.  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, according to the American Psychiatric Association, is an anxiety (emotional) disorder which arises from a particular incident evoking significant stress.  This stress severely impacts and damages the ‘Fight-or-Flight’ response in a person who is experiencing the effects of trauma.  When in danger, it is natural to feel afraid.  The body makes many split-second changes to prepare to defend against or avoid the danger that is life-threatening.  This ‘fight-or-flight’ response is a healthy reaction meant to protect the person from harm.  In PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged.  

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Granting Men Permission to Seek Help for PTSD

As I look back over the year of my greatest transformation, the key to my success in overcoming the paralyzing effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was my deepest desire to heal myself from the pain I was in.  For many years, I had lived a life of quiet desperation, too many failures and mistakes in my life had convinced me I was not worthy of the good things in life, too many unforgivable acts done on my part had placed me in the unenviable position of watching all those around me finding their dreams coming true, while I had to serve out the punishment for committing violations against myself and others.  I was my own critic, judge, and executioner.

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